Will I hold you again?

You cannot quit me so quickly
There's no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love

The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we're playing

We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

Will I hold you again?
Will I hold...

Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down

The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get to go
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain

Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here

The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between...

Call me crazy....

But I really,really,really want to get into the feminism business. The book I'm reading (Full Frontal Feminism) is fantastic. The author's website is amazing. I want to learn more about what I can do in this struggle that is far from over. I feel like I'm receiving so much knowledge that I don't even know what to with yet haha.

Okay, so I guess I have to put it into perspective. I have to start small, whether it be volunteering at The Woman's Center at school or blogging about these issues, or just volunteering at Rape Crises centers, or even just informing others, I need to start doing something. I want to.

Playlist for the Masses.

1. Pitseleh- Elliott Smith
2. Shape of my heart-Noah & the Whale
3. Relator-Scarlett Johansson & Pete Yorn
4. The Space Between-Dave Matthews Band
5. There goes the fear- Doves
6. Expiration Date- Pomplamoose
7. Love me-The Little Willies
8. Do you love me-Clem Snide
9. Us- Regina Spektor

I blogged a lot today...

probably because I felt very alone. I've been feeling like that a lot lately. I like quotes a lot, I've realized. Especially Albert Einstein ones...the man was not only a scientific genius, but a poet.

"The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before."
— Albert Einstein

Have you ever....

heard an unknown song so beautiful but felt a slight panic at the thought that you probably never hear it again, never know what it was called...and that it will eventually leave your memory? A single fleeting second when you enjoy something beautiful that only you acknowledge?

Lately I haven't been feeling myself. It's like I'm always worried, always anxious, always THINKING SO GOSH DARN MUCH. I doubt everything. Myself, my family, my abilities, my relationship with my Steve, everything. I need to learn to relax and just let things be. Stop being so preoccupied and stop trying to validate myself in front of others. Thoughts like that will ultimately kill me.

Last night I asked Steve if he felt there was something he needs to work on, something he doesn't like about himself. He mentioned one thing but I remember him saying he didn't doubt himself. That really struck a chord because that's all I seem to be doing lately. It's like something inside me is off. I can't find peace.

The most reasonable explanation for my feeling this way is the fact that my family is going through a very tumultuous time. Everything in my life seems to be a sort of weird dream-like limbo. I guess feeling unable to control the chaos around me is leaving me to feel helpless, almost lost in a sense. But I guess this is all a giant lesson that I need to learn, to have serenity and peace among chaos and to understand that I cannot change the way people think or act. To accept that there is nothing wrong with me and that I do not need to validate myself. To love myself and believe in myself despite all things.

I just hope I can actually internalize this lesson.

P.S I need to start photographing more.

It felt so good to hold a camera again. I haven't felt that feeling in a while. I shot this of my friend Randa for my photo class. She's so beautiful.

quiet riot

Frustrated. Want to go out and take pictures. Want a nice laptop. a good camera. Not asking for much. Just to be able to actually do something with my ideas!


I need a model with a quiet sort of ferocity. a gentle beauty. Where, oh where can I find that?